Treasure In Us – Jessica’s Story

In honor of the 8 year anniversary of the 32 victims of the 2007 Virginia Tech mass shooting I am sharing the first article from my “The Treasure In Us” personal project. As 2015 began to draw near, I felt a deep calling to do a personal project, one that would serve no other purpose than to enrich my life—and hopefully the lives of others—with the incredible stories of other people.  I believe with all my heart that within each one of us lies a story to tell that can change the world for the better.  We all hold truths so powerful that they can heal hearts and bring unity to the world despite our differences.  We all have a power within our history that can be just what another person needs to pull themselves out of dire circumstances.  Let’s not be afraid or insecure to share these stories; let’s shout them from mountaintops. We truly do hold a treasure inside of ourselves: our stories, our testimonies, and our dark to light journeys. They must be shared.

HER LIFE : Jessica, a survivor of the VT shootings has been brave enough to share her experience with me. And friends… it will change you. Her story is profound and, though she claims she is not a hero, she nevertheless convinced me otherwise during our interview. Jessica plays trumpet and considers herself a band geek. She volunteers at the Roanoke Valley Community Band—I noticed she even had little music notes on her finger nails as we were talking. She and her husband enjoy board games and fun with the friends they’ve made through music, work or Virginia Tech. She admits that after a hard day, just like anyone else, she enjoys a glass a wine with a good episode of Scandal. She adores her two rescue dogs Franklin who is a Beagle Basset Hound mix and Lily Jane who is a Cocker Spaniel Beagle mix.  Of course it may seem that she blends in with the rest of us, just like we all blend in with each other – under our skin holding a treasure that can bring wealth of love and kindness to the world.

MEET JESSICA : 

Specially made ring and tattoo on Jessica’s ankle of a dove to honor Lauren. 

HER STORY : Jessica began unraveling her story to me and started with marching band tryouts her first year at Virginia Tech. The band director connected her with Lauren (who was also trying out) to become roommates. Jessica explains that Lauren was very confident in her Christian faith and they shared little in common at first. Jessica admits that she was a bit of a partier back in her first years of college, which was something Lauren didn’t agree with. They learned to cohabitate and eventually connected. “When I lost her,” Jessica remembers, “it felt like losing a spouse”. Someone she had lived with and shared so much with was all of the sudden gone.

Jessica giggled as she remembered Lauren “speaking in German and all sorts of different languages” at very random moments. Lauren was going to school for international studies. “She was a really smart girl” Jessica stated with a melancholy softness.

It was April 16^th 2007, the day of the mass shooting, an unusually cold and snowy Spring morning. There were cop cars parked outside of her dorm when she pulled in. She came into her dorm room to find Lauren getting ready for school day. Lauren told Jessica that her phone wasn’t working. She’d dropped it in a puddle and couldn’t receive or make calls. “It was like any other day” Jessica stated, and yet “I remember every single detail”. Lauren, all ready to go, was headed out the door. ‘The last thing I ever said to her,” Jessica told me with tears in her eyes, “was ‘See you later, have a good day’”.

It wasn’t long after Lauren left that she heard someone in the hallway of her dorm, another band member, say that Ryan “Stack” Clark had been shot in the leg by shooter Seung-Hui Cho. Ryan had been shot trying to save Mary Reed, who was killed on the spot by the shooter. Jessica described Ryan through teary eyes “He was the first person I met at VT. He was this flamboyant, outrageously fun man that everyone loved and was always helpful to younger band members”. She thought that maybe since it was just his leg he would survive, but it was not the case. He had bled too much and died several hours later.

Virginia Tech was on complete lockdown. Cho had chained the doors and was going on a killing spree. Jessica was helpless as she watched the news and witnessed the death count rise. She couldn’t call Lauren because her phone was dormant on top of the microwave. Jessica explained that she’s always had an intuition with these things. When she was a child she had an overwhelming thought that her neighbor had died, and soon came to find that she was correct. In that moment watching the news she had that familiar dire feeling: “I just knew, she’s dead” Jessica stated.

After the lock-down was lifted, Jessica stayed in her room and watched people pour into her dorm hallway, and Lauren wasn’t with them. “When the last girl came through the hallway, that’s when I knew” she stated. Jessica decided that she should call Lauren’s parents to let them know what was going on at her school and to advise that Lauren was missing. Her parents came and they all waited in a room filled with other families and friends of missing students. Jessica told me that it was very quiet, unlike you’d expect. Everyone just sitting and hoping with all their heart they’re be reunited with their loved ones. Jessica kept her composure strong for most of this time. It wasn’t until she got back to her empty dorm room that she broke down for hours and processed everything.

The day after the shootings on April 17^th they had a memorial service for all those who had died. Jessica was watching the memorial service being broadcasted while her family was in the next room. Just then, an official working on the case had come in with a camera that held a picture of Lauren to confirm it was her. Her parents confirmed it was their daughter, and all the waiting was done. They had their answer. She was gone.

Jessica asked Lauren’s mom if there was anything she could do. She was given a very difficult task to call everyone on Lauren’s phone list and tell them that she’s gone. It was incredibly difficult for Jessica to call each and every person. She didn’t know if the person she was calling was best friends with her or her partner in lab from 5 years ago. There was no way to predict what the reactions were.

She then was responsible for telling all of Laurens hallway friends that she was dead, a task that was particularly hard for her. Everyone was gathered in a room and, when she broke the news, were completely horrified. After the trauma of losing Lauren and then having to tell so many broken hearted people what happened, she went back to her room, feeling more alone that she ever though possible. She pulled up iTunes, and felt led to play “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley. “I remember playing it,” she said, “and looking at her stuff – bed, computer, closet and thinking, ‘oh my goodness, she’s never coming back’. I cried and cried and the music washed over me”. In 2007 the following September after the shootings Dave Matthews Band played a concert at Virginia Tech to honor the students that were lost. During his concert he played the same “Three Little Birds” and it felt like he was playing it for her.

The night after the shootings students and many others supporters of Virginia Tech honored the fallen students by lighting thousands of candles. Jessica was among a crowd of people. To this day the community at VT has become incredibly close knit. In the face of tragedy everyone bound together despite each other’s differences. Afterwards there were little acts of kindness showing up across the campus from other schools. Paintings, flowers spelling “VT” on the ground and banners with signitures from other schools honoring the lost and those grieving. There were “Hokie Stones” placed for each of the fallen students that were hidden by piles of flowers left by others. The kindness, self sacrifice and unity that presented itself in this horrendous situation is such a testament to the GOODNESS of humanity in the midst of horror. After reading many of the accounts of what happened during the shootings, tears stream down my face as I hear of one story after another of heroism. Teachers and students throwing themselves in front of the bullets, tending the wounded or holding down doors in order to save other lives just as precious as their own. There is evil and there is darkness, but certainly the light of all these hearts is far more powerful than we can ever comprehend. 

Left : Jessica at the candle light vigil. Photo Credit : Richmond Times-Dispatch   Right :  VT candle light Vigil. Photographer Credit : Steve Helber

Left : Lauren’s “Hokie Stone” Right : Lauren’s “Hokie Stone” buried in flowers

Flowers left as a random act of kindness from another school, honoring the fallen students of VT

THE LEGACY: After all of this Jessica is left with what is often called “survivors guilt”. Lauren was “the good one”. She was the one who did everything right, didn’t make bad decisions and was an honorable student. She had a deep faith in her God and lived out that faith in everyone that she had relationship with. Jessica felt confused as to why, out of two room-mates, Lauren was the one who died. Jessica stated that she could have easily seen Lauren across seas helping children in need and working on missionary trips. There was so much good that she could have done. Her life and all of its potential was taken away from the world.

Instead of letting this guilt ruin her, Jessica has harnessed and transformed it into something beautiful: she is now working as a social worker in child protective services. Her motivation when going into this field was to help kids when they are most vulnerable to prevent or treat mental illness or destructive behaviors that progress dangerously as they get older. For her, even preventing one life from becoming someone who harms other people would make all of her efforts worthwhile.

One thing Jessica really wants people to know from reading this article is how common mental illness is, especially in young children being untreated or being left in harmful situations. If we were to stop the rush and genuinely be kind and helpful to everyone we meet—even those who have mental illnesses or who don’t seem very nice—we could prevent so much violence in the world. Jessica has chosen to go out of her way to love and be kind to every person she meets, in hopes that perhaps one day, if one of those people is on their way to do something awful, they would think again. A little kindness goes a long way.

Jessica is a hero. She denies it up and down, but she is. From the very instant I met her she had light in her eyes and a joy that resonated. Her presence seems to inspire greatness in people. She is incredibly humble, yet has an infectiously fun personality. She is fierce in her love for other people, especially the ones that have been thrown aside by society. She is one that took the ashes of a horrible situation and made something beautiful from it. I believe with all my heart that she is changing the world for the better by using something that doesn’t cost a dime: her heart. If you are reading this, take one thing with you: love and be kind to strangers. You never know who is desperate for a smile. By making small changes you can start a chain reaction. Kindness even in small ways can make huge changes.

Jessica explains that she remembers the tragic events of April 16^th 2007 like they were imprinted on her mind. Laurens memory is forever held in her hands like a precious jewel. Although Lauren’s death was premature and awful in nature, it sprung a kindness that is manifesting through Jessica and everyone else that she touched. Her goodness and love is exponentially touching and affecting those around her. Nothing is too broken to be beautiful.